I just graduated my daughter from our homeschool. She now attends college at the nearby community college. It’s been an adjustment having her leave the house four days a week. I’m now stuck at home with a six three walking stomach. He eats everything in the house. I have two years with the walking stomach and then I’m free! What ever will I do with myself?
This has been a long road, staying home with my kids. I was never going to stay home with my kids. I spent too much money on a master’s degree. What would I do all day with those little people? And I certainly wasn’t going to homeschool my kids. What are you crazy? But I did all of that and I lived to tell about it.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was terrified at the idea of staying home. My feminist indoctrination was telling me it wasn’t okay. I would be subhuman if I did. I remember being two months away from delivery and meeting some new ladies that were friends of a friend of mine. One woman asked me when I was due. My feminist brain heard “what do you do?” I started telling her all about my job and she shook her head and said, “No, when are you due?” Oh, you mean this bulging belly I have? I was a little embarrassed.
My decision to stay home wasn’t an easy one. Financially, it was so tight. I had a food budget of $60/week. That was it. I couldn’t spend more than that. If I went over, then I would have to take from the following week. Fortunately, my daughter was a baby and my six three stomach wasn’t born yet.
It took me awhile to get used to staying home. I had maternity leave, so I kept telling people I was still working. I was still on maternity leave. However the count down began for me to return to work.
On my maternity leave, I started really enjoying this little person in my life. She grew those chubby little thighs that you just want to squish and little rings of chub around her wrists. Some hair was starting to grow on her bald little head. She did funny things like chew on her toes. I marveled at her flexibility. She took naps and slept through the night by nine weeks. I could go to the grocery store in the middle of the day, in the middle of the week and not have to rush around on the weekends. I could do laundry in the middle of the week. I was beginning to really enjoy this chubbed out little person and the flexibility in my schedule.
The time came for me to go back to work and a voice in my head said no. The voice reminded me that I was going to be okay and the little chubby baby in the crib needed me. I wasn’t sure about this. What would I tell people I did? I’m a mom! Anybody could be a mom. I had a master’s degree. The voice was persistent for me to stay home. But what would I be? Just a mother? I needed to be okay.
When God asks you to do things, He doesn’t leave you high and dry to muddle through it all by yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I walked into the laundry room, in the middle of the week, late in the morning with a load of wash and felt this peace overcome me. Or times, when we needed money and money just showed up somehow, someway. Over and over again, God spoke to me to tell me I was okay.
I remember a particularly bad day potty training. I was trying all day and it wasn’t working. I was ready to pull my hair out. Well that evening I had signed up for a free haircut from the Penny Saver. When I left my toddler with the husband I sighed a big sigh of relief and headed to the salon for my free haircut. Well this wasn’t just any free haircut, this was a haircut to beat all other haircuts. The lady that did my hair already knew how to cut hair, she was being trained by this exclusive salon to really learn how to style hair. She was late coming, so the guy that was training her had this makeup line. He said he’d play while we waited for her. I ended up with a free makeover and haircut. After a day of trying to convince a stubborn toddler that she needed to pee in the potty, I got a treat for myself. I went home that night feeling pretty and the potty training long gone from my mind.
Follow the voice in your head. If you are a Christian, it’s the Holy Spirit. He will never steer you wrong. And He will totally reward you for your obedience.
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